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  • The opinions expressed herein are true facts. If you don't agree with the opinions expressed herein you are totally whacked in the head. But like I said, that's just my opinion.

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Zombie mania!! And zombie controversy!!!

October 9, 2009 22:22 by Dalton Rattlesnake
University of Florida, FLA - University of Florida students have posted a "zombie attack preparedness guide" on their website. It's right there with the hurricane instructions (buy all the water you can), and rattlesnake bite first aid guides. (Don't worry, rattlesnakes ar... [More]
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Categories: Mystery and Controversy | Plain old stupid
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"Crack" found at nuclear power plant is not dangerous and addictive

October 9, 2009 11:41 by Dalton Rattlesnake
Crystal River, FLA - Authorities report that the "crack" found at the Crystal River Nuclear Power Plant is not, in fact, the dangerous kind. (You know - the kind with cocaine that made Chris Rock all crazy and homosexual in that movie back in the early '90s). No, authoriti... [More]
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Categories: Florida is Dangerous | Mystery and Controversy | Science
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Bank of America taunts man with no arms "because we can"

September 2, 2009 10:06 by Dalton Rattlesnake
Tampa, FLA - Steve Valdez is a 54 year old Tampa man who suffered the great misfortune of being born without arms. This past Thursday Mr. Valdez suffered another great misfortune - having to deal with Bank of America employees. Mr. Valdez arrived at the Bank of America with the standard &qu... [More]
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Categories: Florida is Dangerous | Florida News
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Latest news on internal organs!!

August 24, 2009 11:10 by Dalton Rattlesnake
SCIENTISTS HAVE ONCE AGAIN MISLEAD US - All the cool scientists are suddenly jumping on the "appendix is not really a useless internal organ"  bandwagon.  Almost 500 years ago Charles Darwin proclaimed that the appendix was nothing but a leftover organ from back be... [More]
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Shopping cart mixup leads to felony charge against 58 year old woman: "I was just buying kitty-cat food!"

August 17, 2009 16:29 by Dalton Rattlesnake
ST PETE BEACH, FLA - Joy Smith, shown here in a surprisingly flattering mug shot, was arrested at the St. Pete Beach Sweetbay supermarket yesterday.  The 58 year old woman was charged with felony aggravated assault following a shopping cart mixup. Joy, by the way, was born on Groundhog D... [More]
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Categories: Florida is Dangerous | Mystery and Controversy | Plain old weird | Spooky-Crazy Women
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Study reveals that number of drunk women increasing: "disturbing trend" or "cool! now we don't need clever pickup lines!"

August 7, 2009 08:01 by Dalton Rattlesnake
Across the nation, more women than ever are drinking more than ever. Experts* are unanimous in their conclusion that "drunk women are everywhere nowadays" (my quote). Now that we have the statisitics, we must ask ourselves "is this a good thing or a bad thing". And t... [More]
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Stormy Daniels Multimedia Extravaganza - video, picture of house, mugshot

July 30, 2009 13:55 by Dalton Rattlesnake
Tampa, FLA - Mutli-talented workaholic porn star Stormy Daniels has become the center of a swirling drama that oozes sex, power, and beating her husband for forgetting to pay a bill.   The swirl of professional sex, politics, prostitution embroilment, and violent outbursts all cam... [More]
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Categories: Florida is Dangerous | Mystery and Controversy | pure sensationalistic drivel | Sex and the law | Spooky-Crazy Women
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BOLLEA DIVORCE OVER!!! IT'S REALLY OVER!!! OVER, I SAID!!!

July 28, 2009 14:59 by Dalton Rattlesnake
CLEARWATER, FLA - Hulk and Linda Bollea have finally settled their large divorce. To celebrate, here is a nude pic of Linda.
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Nick Hogan is still an idiot

July 23, 2009 21:10 by Dalton Rattlesnake
DING DONG FANTASY WORLD, FLA - Yes, as his mom and dad flush all of their money down the toilet, Nick Hogan carries on the family tradition, getting conned out of his share of the soon to be gone Hulk fortune.  Gave a couple of guys fifty grand so he could be in the music business. And ... [More]
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"Very nice, quiet girl" attacked by very mean, obnoxious shark in St. Pete

July 23, 2009 18:09 by Dalton Rattlesnake
ST. PETERSBURGH, FLA - Jenna James, 19 years old and described as a "very nice, quiet girl" was victimized and physically harmed by a stupid mean shark yesterday.  Jenna was swimming behind her home on  Boca Ciega Drive, not but maybe 10 yards out from the dock, when a sh... [More]
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