ST PETE BEACH, FLA -
Joy Smith, shown here in a surprisingly flattering mug shot, was arrested at the St. Pete Beach Sweetbay supermarket yesterday. The 58 year old woman was charged with felony aggravated assault following a shopping cart mixup. Joy, by the way, was born on Groundhog Day (February 2nd for you foriegners who don't know nothing about U.S. holidays) in 1951.
Joy, who may have attended Woodstock some 40 odd years ago, was shopping for pet products and stuff when she met a guy named Peter Hagan. According to Joy, Hagan harassed her in the produce aisle, and took her shopping cart. Joy then asked Mr. Hagan to return the shopping cart, but Hagan would not give it up. According to Joy, Hagan said "go get your own".
Joy then whipped out her trusty pocket knife, held it at her hip, and demanded the return of her shopping cart. It was about then that Sweetbay employees told the crazy lady to get out of the store.
Joy says that the knife "wouldn't cut butter" and that her intent was not to slice Mr. Hagan up or anything. Her intent, she says, was to "get the handle and smack him on the nose, like you do an alligator." Joy also said that she was "just buying kitty-cat food".
The cops took her to the station and booked her, and then drove her to the Sweetbay parking lot so she could get her van. Sweetbay officials have banned her from the store, but alllowed her in the parking lot to get her van as long as she was surrounded by police.
Peter Hagan was not charged in the incident, as it is totally legal to take a little old lady's shopping cart as long as you are inside the supermarket. Mr. Hagan could not be reached for comment, because he is not sitting next to me on the couch.
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