Carollwood, FLA -
Here in the land sunshine and joy, appearances are extremely important. Important for many reasons, everything from simple vanity to the fact that your neighborhood's HOA (homeowner's association) may steal your house if your mailbox is not properly maintained. And let me tell you, peeps - grass is supposed to be green. A .75 square foot patch of dead grass (that's pretty small) could lead to humiliation and bankruptcy in some neighborhoods.
Now Ralph and Diana Salgado's little slice of paradise (picture) definitely "passes the mustard" (I believe this is an applicable figurative saying - basically it means "Ralph and Diana have a very nice yard and the HOA will not fine them as long as it stays nice". No mustard is actually passed.)
The thing about it is, however, is that Florida has been in a severe drought since the 16th century, when misguided Spanish settlers built "St. Augustine" in Northeast Florida. The settlers built the city because they had "heard it through the grape vine" that a huge amusement park was going to be built in an area called "Orlando" and weary visitors from the North would need a place to stay during their journey to Orlando. 400 years later, the hunch paid off - big time.
So anyway, we have periods of time in Florida where it only rains like an eighth of an inch in a month. It gets very "dry" during these times, and people are reminded of The Drought, and laws are passed and low flow toilets are inspected and jars of urine are used for barter. Then in another month or so it will rain an inch a minute for a week or so, and people get complacent. Which is why the Tampa Water Department is very important. The Tampa Water Board is a government entity that exists to make sure that Floridians never forget about The Drought.
Tampa Water Board personnel thought nothing was out of the ordinary as they slipped a monthly water usage bill for $21,600 into a little envelope and mailed it off to Ralph and Diana Salgado. I mean, shit - look at their yard! That shade of green doesn't come cheap, know what I'm saying?
Ralph and Diana Salgado did think that the water bill was too high. They were accustomed to paying about a hundred bucks a month to keep their yard nice and green (and of course bathe, brush teeth, make ice cubes, and all the other things people use water for) so they kind of went into catatonic shock when they received the $21,600 bill. It turned out that the reason it looked like the Salgado's had used 3.5 million gallons of water in one month was because their grass was so green. And also, when the city replaced their water meter several months ago, they failed to synchronize the new water meter with the old water meter.
After the Salgados spent several months of fighting, pleading, begging for mercy, and threatening to kill random school children* the Tampa Water Board agreed to investigate. After dicovering that the Salgados had made a mistake by not checking to make sure that their new water meter was properly callibrated, the Tampa Water Board reduced the bill to $145. Which is much less than $21,600, but about $25 more than the Salgados had ever paid before.
So the question, if you happen to get your water from the Tampa Water Board, is "how can I tell if my bill is accurate?" And the answer (surprise!) is "you can't". Now Jon Jerman, an objective water meter consultant/expert who happens to work for Daniel L. Jerman Co., a meter sales
company in Hackensack, N.J., says that water meters are generally accurate within 1 1/2 percent of actual
usage. On the other hand, Director of the Tampa Water Department Brad Baird acknowledges that about half the time they don't even look at the meters - they just estimate the bill. Mr. Baird does point out, however, that it may be to the consumer's advantage that water meters are changed only about every 10 years or so. What happens, according to Baird, is that the meters get all gunked up and generally show less water usage than was really used.
My advice on the matter is that life is just too damn short to be worrying about your water bill. For the most part. But also, if you think your water bill are on the low side, make sure nobody taps on the water meter or anything so the gunk does not become dislodged. And also plant some kind of wasp attracting poisonous palnt around your meter so that it's less likely to be changed.
*There is no documentation or hearsay that would lead a rational person to think that the Salgados ever threatened to kill random school children. I just got a little carried away there. Sorry.
Currently rated 1.0 by 3 people
- Currently 1/5 Stars.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5