GULF OF MEXICO, FLA -
Well, people, it looks like the dreaded monsters of the sea have decided to come back. For whatever reason, it seems that the waters that surround the wonderful state of Florida have once again become infested with hordes of "the deadliest beast known to mankind" - the stingray.
As of yet, no fatalities have been reported. However, the Tampa Bay Tribune reported today that "A beachgoer escaped serious injury today after being stung by a stingray on Shell Key". The savage attack reportedly occured at Fort DeSoto Beach in Pinellas County.
Fort DeSoto Beach was once heralded as one of the world's most beautiful beaches. Recently, however, the beach has acquired a well-deserved reputation as a hangout for degenerates who wear bathing suits that reveal their buttocks. Now we can add "a hangout for cold-blooded stingrays that want to kill you" as another attribute.
Officials say that if you must enter the water during the killer stingray season, you should "shuffle your feet" to scare off the stingrays. Yeah right. Shuffle your feet. That'll save you. And you can also scare sharks away by acting like a wounded fish.
***DISCLAIMER: Stingrays don't normally eat humans. I apologize for any confusion. If you are an elementary school student and used this article as the basis for a report and have already turned it in, have your teacher contact me and I will take full responsibility for the misinformation.
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