Scientists have discovered that men who marry Russian women are generally happier, healthier, and more successful than men who marry "Non-Russian" women.
In a fifteen year study that was recently published in "Relationship Science Today", evidence suggests that men with Russian wives are less likely to develop prostate cancer, have a higher than average median income, and are less likely to suffer from male pattern baldness than thier not-married-to-Russian-women counterparts.
The study followed a group of 17,612 men who married women from the Ukraine Country in 1993, and compared them with an equal number of men who were led to believe that thier new brides were from Russia, when actually the "placebo" control group women were bought in from West Germany, Switzerland, and Iceland.
Dr. Mark Eubanks, the chief scientist on the project, acknowledged that the findings, and the study itself, are controversial and may cause many men in the United States and Canada to rethink their lives and in some cases make drastic changes to their lifestyles.
"Well that's what science is all about" Dr. Eubanks says with a reflective tone. "Helping people make positive lifestyle changes. Quite honestly, this part of my job is quite satisfying." Dr. Eubanks also said that he is "perusing the catalog" in search of a Russian woman. "My wife left me shortly after I submitted the grant request for the study, so I don't have to worry about the divorce thing" Dr. Eubanks stated in an almost giddy tone.
When asked if he would consider ordering a bride from Russia if he were happily married, Dr. Eubanks responded with an enthusiastic "absolutely!"
"Look, science is science", says Dr. Eubanks. "And you just don't argue with scientific evidence. Any man with the God-given will to survive should seriously consider taking steps towards marrying a Russian woman."
NOTE OF DISCLAIMER: This news story was published with "Escalated Importance" status, due to the crucial subject matter. In the interest of making this story available in a timely manner, some of the facts were not checked with our usual due diligence. Act upon the advice given at your own risk. But take that risk. Are you a man or what? What are you afraid of, huh? Are you afraid of Russian women? I didn't think so.
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