THE VILLAGES, FLORIDA -
At last the truth about The Villages, the giant retirement megacommunity in Florida, has been revealed. The elderly residents of the Villages are having sex in alarming numbers, or amounts, or however sexual activity is quantified.
Visitors to The Villages on a Saturday night are treated to a charming little wonderland where cute little old people tool around in souped-up golf carts and hang out in the neat little town center, listening to old time rock and roll, performed by slightly less old people. They hang around chatting and drinking margaritas that cost just a buck apiece (priced so low because each one contains about a quarter teaspoon of tequila), all relaxed and happy just like old retired people should be. At about 8:55 PM they all head for their golfcarts, and by 9 PM the streets are empty and the lights are out.
A visitor witnessing the merriment and subsequent dash to the golf carts may imagine that by 9:15 the old people are lying in bed, covered with Ben-Gay and wearing flannel pajamas, and perhaps wearing those pointy "sleeping hats" that were popular in the Leave it to Beaver era.
Well The New York Post came down and did some undercover work and found that this charming town-like place is in reality a hot-bed of sexual debauchery. They reported that sexual activity is rampant, old men buy illegal Viagra from unscrupulous "pushers" for $12 a pill, and a couple of elderly sex maniacs were recently caught having sex like wild dogs in a golf cart!! The article also says that The Villages is rife with STDs, and pretty much everybody has syphyllis, gonhorreah, clamydia, or a combination of these diseases that most definitely do not come from public toilet seats.
The problem apparently has to do with the 10:1 female to male ratio in The Villages. Male residents report that the females, especially the 70+ ones, are constantly prowling around like bunny rabbits in heat, propositioning them and promising them wild good times. The females reportedly keep their bodies in top shape by incessent daily exercise to increase their chances of "scoring hot sex" with a member of the ever dwindling pool of male "senior sex toys".
I could post a link to the original New York Post article but it's reprinted in it's entirety in a forum for Van Halen fans, so I'm going with the Van Halen people. For those of you that don't understand the article too good or just don't like reading all those words, the NYP created a visual aid, which I have stolen:
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