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December 10, 2008 01:51 by Dalton Rattlesnake

Sunday night I was like totally sound asleep and then like at 4 in the morning, (this would be Monday morning because the whole thing started with going to bed Sunday night, you get what I'm saying I'm sure, right?) so anyway there it is 4 in the morning and the dogs start barking like crazy. So I'm still sleeping cause I'm what they call a "sound" sleeper. I'm not totally sure what exactly THAT means, but anyhow I don't wake up real easy like some do.

So anyhow my wife starts yelling at me that the dogs are barking, and that wakes me up. Then she yells at the dogs to stop barking and they just keep on barking. They would run in through their little doggy door and look at us all wild-eyed and then my wife would yell at them and tell them to shut up and they would run back outside. So I just tell my wife that the dogs are barking cause that's what dogs do, and then I go back to sleep. Next thing my wife is going crazy cause she thinks there's a serial killer outside so she's yelling at me and the dogs are just barking like crazy so I just resigned myself to the fact that tnat I would not get back to sleep unless I go tell the serial killer to get out of my back yard. 

So I go out to the back yard where the dogs are barking and there's this possum that somehow got trapped between the barbeque grill and the side of the house. The thing is looking all vicious, showing it's teeth and just making this non-stop growling noise. The dogs are taking turns getting as close to it as they can, one goes up and sniffs while the other one barks like a maniac. Sort of like when they say "cover me" in the movies and one guy starts shooting at the bad guys while the other runs across the open field. 

So I tell the dogs to get away from the possum, and they get behind me and look at me with that expectation look, like they're saying "alright, we finally got him out of bed, so now let's sit back and watch while he takes care of this crazy ass stuck possum that won't stop growling".

I was gonna go back to bed and say "it's just a stupid possum" but the way those dogs were looking at me, I didn't want to let them down. So I started to move the grill so the possum could get away but that thing was looking all rabid and started growling louder. Then I realized that the dogs have rabies shots but I don't.  So grabbed a canoe paddle and used it to move the grill. The possum wouldn't budge and keeps on growling. It's like he's trying to make me and the dogs think that he wasn't really stuck, he just really liked being where he was. You know the old saying "proud as a possum". So then I just took the canoe paddle and just kind of nudged the little wild assed growling rabid marsupial critter, and he took off and hid behind an upside down bucket. I could see him just fine but it was good enough for he dogs so we all went back to sleep.   

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December 13. 2008 08:13

bibid

That's one of the most fascinating stories I've ever wasted 2-1/2 minutes of my life reading. have you ever hit a buzzard with your truck?

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December 13. 2008 21:33

dr dre

Man, you guys are rough. Rough like real heavy grit sandpaper. Like that stuff they use to smooth the bumps out of concrete.
But since you ask, I do recall once hitting a buzzard with my truck.

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December 13. 2008 21:37

dr dre

Hey - was that sarcasm or was it really the most fascinating piece of literature you ever read? I mean really. In print it could be taken either way. I'm just wondering because I would like to be able to make a living solely by writing about things that happen in my backyard. And also my frontyard, and the interior portion of my house. You know? What do you think?

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December 13. 2008 21:58

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Hey I was just thinking, since this is the World Wide Web (that's what www stands for) and all full of Google and Flash and other multi-media stuff, could just where a HatCam(patent pending) and walk around the house and my yard and stuff. It's time to think around the box, you know?

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December 13. 2008 22:03

dr dre

I apologize. Where it says "where" in the last comment, please substitute the more correct word "wear". And also between "stuff," and "could", place a capital "I".
I apologize for any confusion that this error of serious magnitude may have caused.
Thank you and have a wonderful day,
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December 16. 2008 16:02

pok-a-dot

that's the story? you nudged a possum? did you get to call in sick on monday from the stress of wrestling a rabid rodent during critical sleep hours?

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