THANKSGIVING, FLA-
Thanksgiving is vastly different from all other holidays. It's the Trigonometry of holidays, designed to filter out the riff-raff and expose weakness. It's an annual test to determine level of functionality at the individual and family level. If you stop and think about it, you might wonder how this laborious and mentally taxing "holiday" manages to fool people, year after year. But They know what they are doing (and we all know who They are). It is They that declare the automatic guaranteed four day weekend complete with football on the first day. Then it is They that have Their complete police force patrolling the streets and highways, looking for easy pickin's.
Thanksgiving story 1: A 28 year old guy with an insanely long name (Marco Antonio Gonzalez-Ramirez) was found passed out drunk at an intersection at 1 AM this morning. The guy's five year old daughter was in the car with him. The guys blood alcohol content was more than double the legal limit. The five year old was completely sober.
Thanksgiving story 2: Somewhere along Columbus Drive a woman threatened to kill one of her Thanksgiving guests with a machete. Annette Jenkins, 46, allegedly chased a woman named Patty out of the house with a machete while yelling "I'm gonna kill you, Patty!" (Get the irony - Columbus discovered America, right? And then this happens on Thanksgiving Day on Columbus Drive, which was undoubedly named after Christopher Columbus!!! How ironic is that!!! You know, 'cause the Pilgrims invented Thanksgiving, and they were like the next people to come after Christopher Columbus discovered it, right? See what I'm saying? Just totally so incredibly ironic!! Aah, the irony!!!)
Currently rated 1.5 by 4 people
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