There is going to be an election for the new president of the United States this fall, so the news is just full of politics, politics, politics. So this Barack Obama guy, he chose "Joe Biden" be his vice-president running mate. And I'm like "Who the hell is Joe Biden? What kind of name is Joe Biden?" So then I read a little more and Joe Biden has been in politics like forever, but he's the guy for Delaware! Little tiny Delaware! I mean, Delaware's all smug saying "we're the first state!" on their license plates and stuff, but the truth is nobody really gives two shakes of a chicken butt, you know? I mean Delaware could slip off into the Atlantic Ocean in December and nobody would notice until Memorial Day and their looking for the beach. But hey, what the heck do I know? Might be just like the Dan Quayle thing.
So then, McCaine (he just has one name like "Cher") says something like "How many houses do I have? Oh hell I don't know - wherever I go there's a house for me to live in" Then he's holding out his fingers and counting on one hand with the other hand and then he realizes he's only got five fingers on each hand so he needs both. Then he gets all frazzled and confused and asks a cop for a dime to make a phone call, but he can't remember the phone number, and there's no pay phones any more and if there was he would need about 4 dollars to make a phone call. So it was really kind of embarrassing for the old guy, you know. Kind of like when he said he had a crush on Paris Hilton.
So then Barack Obama (who has two last names ), who is all smooth skinned and dark while McCaine is all pale and wrinkly, says "look at this, American People! This guy wants to be president and he doesn't even know how many houses he has!" Which, if you think about it, is kind of ironic since the American People seem to be losing houses every day. But then again, do we want some homeless guy to be president? Some slacker who can't make his house payment?
So then McCain says "hey, American People, I happen to know that Barack Obama has a house with FOUR FIREPLACES!" Like that's any kind of comeback.
The whole thing is just so stupid. Why don't these two guys just join up and run the country together! Now how cool would that be! And then they should wire up the Whitehouse with 24 hour video cameras and have like a round the clock President reality show! They could use "Ebony and Ivory" as the theme song. Now we're talking. Somebody call Fox, they will like it.
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