A couple of weeks ago, we traveled to Harford County, Maryland as part of an ongoing mission to find the most bizarre place on earth. As you may have read, we found Harford County to be extremely normal. Almost scary normal. Except for the fact that people in Harford County have this freakish love of reggae music.

The trip mentioned above was announced, and when we returned to our beloved homeland we decided that perhaps the people of Maryland had "put one over us", and fooled us into thinking that they were super normal. So we returned, without warning our hosts.

Upon arriving to Harford County on this super-secret surprise mission, we were shocked and awed by the radical change in the native's behavior. During visit number 1, our hosts rarely watched television, and we would typically gather in a room with the television turned off, and engage in normal, somewhat intelligent conversation.

On trip number 2, the surprise visit, we found that every single person in Maryland loves to watch people swim. On television. It seems that there is this guy named "Phelps" who swims like an otter/seal hybrid on anabolic steroids, and everyone, regardless of age, sex, creed, IQ, or opinion about Oprah, is in love with the guy. Apparently, he is from the Towson area, which is sort of between Harford County and Baltimore.

So on visit number 2, we witnessed what is probably the most bizarre behavior that people have ever behaved like. Everywhere we went, whether it was someone's home, a hardware store, or the county dump, everyone was staring at a television in what appeared to be a zombie-drug induced trance. Most of the televisions were huge rectangle shaped HD flat panels. All of the televisions were tuned to the "People Swimming" channel. While people on television were swimming, all conversation was directed at the television set. During commercials, the people watching television would turn to each other and talk briefly about what a great swimmer this guy named "Phelps" was. 

Previous to this trip, I don't remember ever watching a person swim on television. During the trip, which lasted 8 days, I watched people swim whenever a television was within watching range. And it was a rare occasion when there was not a television within watching range. After about 3-4 days of watching people swim, I began to fear for my well-being. Clearly, the natives were becoming increasingly dangerously crazed and insanely obsessed with people swimming. This can not be healthy.

Soon, there will be no more people swimming on television. I fear for the people of Maryland when this day arrives. I will probably not return to this crazy place where people live to watch people swim on television for many years.