Well I'll be go to hell is going national today...
First, the Barbara Walters scandal:
It seems that back in the '70s, while most of America was all wrapped up in Evel Kneivel's latest exploits and holding anti-disco rallies and such, Barbara was SECRETLY HAVING AN AFFAIR! With a MARRIED MAN! Who was a POLITICIAN! He was A UNITED STATE'S SENATOR! And...(now here's the kicker)...(don't go reading ahead, that's cheating)...HE WAS BLACK!!! Also, he was a REPUBLICAN!! Barbara, one of the greatest news celebrity ever, winner of countless awards, an inspiration to all who don't speak that well, revealed on Oprah (don't worry, it doesn't come on till next week-still time to set the Tivo) that she had countless sexual encounters with Massachusetts Senator Edward William Brooke III. She said "he was exciting. He was brilliant."
The poor guy is almost 90 years old now. You would think that Barbara could have waited just a few more months, or even a year or so to let the old man meet his maker before spilling her guts on Oprah. Now all he's gonna hear is "so tell me about having sex with Barbara Walters" and "what the hell, bro? Barbara Walters?!?"
But BW has a book coming out, and it's gotta get on Oprah's reading list. So there you have it.
Next, David Blaine:
Yesterday on Oprah (heavy Oprah theme today - pure coincidence, though) David Blaine thrilled the world once again by doing nothing. Literally - the guy didn't even breathe for 17 minutes and 4 seconds! He beat the world's record, set last October, by about 30 seconds. This thing could get big! You know that guy who held his breath for 16 minutes or so is not going to take this sitting down. Now, to me, David Blaine is about the most interesting guy around. He stands on a pole for a month, then he stays underwater for a week, he gets entombed in concrete... but how does that crazy son of a gun make money? Who pays him? It seems to me like he just does stuff. I'm thinking that maybe he just doesn't have to eat or sleep. Having that power would really cut down on living expenses. I guess he just wanders from town to town, getting in adventures and stuff like Caine in Kung Fu.
Today's newsmakers
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