Check out Cameron Moeller showing off his painfull welts. Is it a new fad, like extreme tatooing?
Did he fall out of a milk truck while making early morning deliveries? Or is he one of those goth "cutters" who get off on hurting themselves?
Nope, none of the above. Cameron just happened to get tangled up in the tentacles of one of the most dangerous critters in the sea - THE PORTUGUESE MAN-OF-WAR. The man-of-war is a neat looking little beast, like a little blue odd-shaped balloon floating peacefully in the water. The little blue floating part is maybe eight inches long and four or five inches tall.
But then there are those tentacles. The tentacles can be 30 feet long, and sometimes up to 50 or 60 feet long.
And those sticky little tentacles are just covered with little sacks of poison that hit your body and explode. Little tiny explosions of poison, but lots of them. Thousands upon thousands of exploding poison sacks, that stick to your body while more tentacles are drawn to you, waiting in line to inflict horrific pain. Some cut in front, theres no waiting-in-line code of conduct with these sticky little tentacles.
Cameron was attacked while swimming at Clearwater Beach. Just a few miles south of rattlesnake infested Caladesi Island, which was just awarded "best beach of the year" by that Dr. Beach guy. Cameron thought that the mass of deadly tentacles was a clump of harmless (and nutritious!) seaweed, and he decided to brush it out of the way. This is the kind of behavior that these portuguese death traps love.
Within seconds, Cameron's body was covered with these hurty tentacle things, just stinging the piss out of him. Relentlessly stinging the piss out of him. Non-stop, just stinging and stinging, thousands of poison explosions simultaneously bursting on his skin, releasing venom that is almost as deadly as cobra venom. Really.
Cameron instincively began thrashing around while swimming towards land, and as he made his way to shore the thing just kept on wrapping around him and stinging, the cute little blue balloon dragging about twenty feet behind him. When he got to shore he tried to tough it out for a few minutes but ended up in the hospital, where he was fed massive doses of antibiotics and painkillers.
The Clearwater Beach people are trying to play it off like it was just some kind of freak accident, and that the little portuguese killer things are generally miles and miles away from the shore. Like the one that got Cameron was lost and the chances of getting stung by such a beast are about the same as the chance of getting killed while flushing a toilet.
Then they said that there were about "3 or 4" of the things found by the beach on Wednesday. Remember in "Jaws" how that mayor thought that if he just kept on smiling and thinking positive the big shark would stop killing people? And then the shark just kept on killing people? Remember? Well it seems that in Clearwater life is imitating art. Sensationalistic quasi-journalism? I think not.
Clearwater, Florida is also home to the largest Scientologist encampment in the world. Besides the one in San Diego, right around where that guy had his legs bitten off by a Great White Shark. A large group of 20-somethings that assembled via the Internet has been staging monthly anti-Scientology demonstrations right outside of the Scientology Main Office since early this year. The group's members wear masks and bandanas to keep from being identified by the watchful eyes of Scientologist thugs. The group calls themselves "Anonymous".
Cameron Moeller is not a Scientologist. He is 24 years old. When asked about the possible role of Scientology in this impending wave of Portugese Man-of-War attacks my wife declined to comment.
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