My gosh we have some lax having-sex-with-animals-laws here in Florida. Thank goodness somebody in Tallahassee is paying attention. Turns out there are some serious weaknesses in our bestiality rules in the Sunshine State.
Bestiality laws - most people thought we took care of all that back in the olden days when they were making laws like "No hats on the playground when the church bell is ringing" and "no kicking small children on Saturday night" and all of those other silly little laws that you read about on slow newsdays.
But not in Florida! Turns out that in Florida you can have sex with just about anything and the only thing they can charge you with is something like "Being a Public Nusciance" or "Animal Cruelty" (if it appears that the animal in question is not having a good time). And this is not just hypothetical! Things have actually happened that have proven this is actually an issue! Here are some quotes from the Tampa local newspaper:
- "A Leon County man was convicted of misdemeanor disorderly conduct for sexually battering his guide dog."
- "A Marion County man pleaded no contest to animal cruelty after his fiancée spotted him sexually battering her dog."
- "in Martin County, deputies found a man sexually battering a puppy as the animal whined and tried to break free."
- "Last year, a Walton County man raped a pregnant goat, killing it...prosecutors were unable to charge the man for causing the goat's death because DNA tests were inconclusive"
But even if the rapist goat killer was convicted, it would have been for killing a goat. And where's the big crime in that. People kill goats every day. Some people earn their living by killing goats.
So the sad fact is that as stupid as it seems, the Florida legislature is not wasting time here. It turns out that we actually do need some stronger don't-have-sex-with-animals laws. I mean, the poor defenseless critters can't do anything, like dial 911 or whatever.
So God bless State Senator Nan Rich, a Democrat from Sunrise, for giving us Senate Bill 744, Relating to Sexual Activities Involving Animals.
Nan's bill would prevent anyone from knowingly committing bestiality, knowingly causing or aiding another person to have sex with an animal, or knowingly permitting sex with an animal at a property under his control. Also, if this bill passes (and I'd like to see who votes against it)people would not be allowed to photograph or film animal sex for the purpose of sexual gratification, or sell or transmit images of animal sex.
So no more "bestiality tourism" down here in FLA.
Here in the wonderful state of Sunshine induced weird-crazy-bizarre behavior we are one step closer to civilization.
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