The end is near

January 23, 2010 01:48 by Dalton Rattlesnake

Everywhere, Planet Earth - I have officially jumped on the "world ends on 12/21/2012" bandwagon. At first, I was skeptic of the Mayan's prediction. I figured they were just another bunch of silly barbaric non-european descent yahoo dingalings who don't know shit from a frogdic... [More]

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Tags: 12-21-2012, end of the world
Categories: Mystery and Controversy
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Possibly the most informative blog post you will ever read!!

December 10, 2009 06:13 by Dalton Rattlesnake

My backporch, FLA - Sometimes I just have to take a break from writing articles about the "Sunshine State That's Full of Crazy People Who are Sometimes Really Stupid, Too". So what do I do? I go on a Quest for Knowledge. Early this morning, while preparing for a &qu... [More]

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Zombie mania!! And zombie controversy!!!

October 9, 2009 22:22 by Dalton Rattlesnake

University of Florida, FLA - University of Florida students have posted a "zombie attack preparedness guide" on their website. It's right there with the hurricane instructions (buy all the water you can), and rattlesnake bite first aid guides. (Don't worry, rattlesnakes ar... [More]

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Categories: Plain old stupid | Mystery and Controversy
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"Crack" found at nuclear power plant is not dangerous and addictive

October 9, 2009 11:41 by Dalton Rattlesnake

Crystal River, FLA - Authorities report that the "crack" found at the Crystal River Nuclear Power Plant is not, in fact, the dangerous kind. (You know - the kind with cocaine that made Chris Rock all crazy and homosexual in that movie back in the early '90s). No, authoriti... [More]

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Shopping cart mixup leads to felony charge against 58 year old woman: "I was just buying kitty-cat food!"

August 17, 2009 16:29 by Dalton Rattlesnake

ST PETE BEACH, FLA - Joy Smith, shown here in a surprisingly flattering mug shot, was arrested at the St. Pete Beach Sweetbay supermarket yesterday. The 58 year old woman was charged with felony aggravated assault following a shopping cart mixup. Joy, by the way, was born on Groundhog D... [More]

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Stormy Daniels Multimedia Extravaganza - video, picture of house, mugshot

July 30, 2009 13:55 by Dalton Rattlesnake

Tampa, FLA - Mutli-talented workaholic porn star Stormy Daniels has become the center of a swirling drama that oozes sex, power, and beating her husband for forgetting to pay a bill. The swirl of professional sex, politics, prostitution embroilment, and violent outbursts all cam... [More]

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"Very nice, quiet girl" attacked by very mean, obnoxious shark in St. Pete

July 23, 2009 18:09 by Dalton Rattlesnake

ST. PETERSBURGH, FLA - Jenna James, 19 years old and described as a "very nice, quiet girl" was victimized and physically harmed by a stupid mean shark yesterday. Jenna was swimming behind her home on Boca Ciega Drive, not but maybe 10 yards out from the dock, when a sh... [More]

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Boa constrictors have finally made it to St. Petersburgh

July 17, 2009 11:11 by Dalton Rattlesnake

St. Petersburgh, FLA - Finally, the wait is over! This picture was taken by a passing motorist in St. Pete.

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Tags: big snake in st. pete, big snake in st. pete
Categories: Mystery and Controversy | Mystery and Controversy
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World News!! Man-eating fish terrorizes peaceful European nation!!

July 14, 2009 07:56 by Dalton Rattlesnake

The pictures pretty much tell the whole story: A 2'3" (70 cm for you metric dingalings) zander (it's a fish) that weighed eight kilos (1 kilo=2.2 pounds, you figure it out) bit some people who were swimming in Switzerland The victims were swimming in Lac Majeur, on the... [More]

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Tags: world news, italian fish attack
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Attack on Christmas surprisingly early

July 14, 2009 04:55 by Dalton Rattlesnake

ST. PETERSBURGH, FLA - A rogue Pinellas County employee drove a large truck through the front window of K. Kringles Christmas Shoppe yesterday afternoon, and Pinellas County officials are suspiciously silent about the incident. Officials are not saying whether or not the incident was a terro... [More]

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