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  • The opinions expressed herein are true facts. If you don't agree with the opinions expressed herein you are totally whacked in the head. But like I said, that's just my opinion.

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"Crack" found at nuclear power plant is not dangerous and addictive

October 9, 2009 11:41 by Dalton Rattlesnake
Crystal River, FLA - Authorities report that the "crack" found at the Crystal River Nuclear Power Plant is not, in fact, the dangerous kind. (You know - the kind with cocaine that made Chris Rock all crazy and homosexual in that movie back in the early '90s). No, authoriti... [More]
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Categories: Florida is Dangerous | Mystery and Controversy | Science
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Bank of America taunts man with no arms "because we can"

September 2, 2009 10:06 by Dalton Rattlesnake
Tampa, FLA - Steve Valdez is a 54 year old Tampa man who suffered the great misfortune of being born without arms. This past Thursday Mr. Valdez suffered another great misfortune - having to deal with Bank of America employees. Mr. Valdez arrived at the Bank of America with the standard &qu... [More]
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Categories: Florida is Dangerous | Florida is Dangerous | Florida News | Florida News
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Shopping cart mixup leads to felony charge against 58 year old woman: "I was just buying kitty-cat food!"

August 17, 2009 16:29 by Dalton Rattlesnake
ST PETE BEACH, FLA - Joy Smith, shown here in a surprisingly flattering mug shot, was arrested at the St. Pete Beach Sweetbay supermarket yesterday.  The 58 year old woman was charged with felony aggravated assault following a shopping cart mixup. Joy, by the way, was born on Groundhog D... [More]
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Categories: Florida is Dangerous | Mystery and Controversy | Plain old weird | Spooky-Crazy Women
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Stormy Daniels Multimedia Extravaganza - video, picture of house, mugshot

July 30, 2009 13:55 by Dalton Rattlesnake
Tampa, FLA - Mutli-talented workaholic porn star Stormy Daniels has become the center of a swirling drama that oozes sex, power, and beating her husband for forgetting to pay a bill.   The swirl of professional sex, politics, prostitution embroilment, and violent outbursts all cam... [More]
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Categories: pure sensationalistic drivel | Mystery and Controversy | Florida is Dangerous
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"Very nice, quiet girl" attacked by very mean, obnoxious shark in St. Pete

July 23, 2009 18:09 by Dalton Rattlesnake
ST. PETERSBURGH, FLA - Jenna James, 19 years old and described as a "very nice, quiet girl" was victimized and physically harmed by a stupid mean shark yesterday.  Jenna was swimming behind her home on  Boca Ciega Drive, not but maybe 10 yards out from the dock, when a sh... [More]
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Attack on Christmas surprisingly early

July 14, 2009 04:55 by Dalton Rattlesnake
ST. PETERSBURGH, FLA - A rogue Pinellas County employee drove a large truck through the front window of K. Kringles Christmas Shoppe yesterday afternoon, and Pinellas County officials are suspiciously silent about the incident. Officials are not saying whether or not the incident was a terro... [More]
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Area residents baffled as God delivers stern message. "We didn't do nothing that bad!"

June 18, 2009 17:27 by Dalton Rattlesnake
In a radical, unexpected departure from the caring, forgiving nature that God has been attempting to portray lately, today our God struck 15 cows dead, using lightning. Area residents are baffled, as they say that nobody has done anything "that bad" in recent memory. Some town... [More]
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Girls get dirty at Mudfest 2009, and we've got pics, also SECRET SPOT update

June 17, 2009 10:09 by Dalton Rattlesnake
Lots going on, have tons to write about but no time. In the meantime I have updated the Secret Spot. (Just do a search for "secret spot") In the meantime, if you want to read about some crazy shit that goes on down here, read this. Here's a quote from the article: ... [More]
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Categories: Florida is Dangerous | pure sensationalistic drivel
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Florida keeps getting dangerouser and dangerouser, despite the fact that I have a real job

June 11, 2009 13:36 by Dalton Rattlesnake
ST. PETERSBURG, FLA - It's pretty much full blown summertime here in the State of Eternal Sunshine, despite the fact that summer officially starts in about a week and a half or so. Here we are looking out for venomous reptiles of assorted varieties and bloodthirsty stingrays, when all th... [More]
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What a day. Bad news. Stupid city government meeting. Good news.

June 4, 2009 20:52 by Dalton Rattlesnake
TAMPA, FLA - Today started on a down note, as far as news goes, for people of many different age groups.  The bad news for the old folks was the closing of the historic, iconic, famous restaurant called Velencia Gardens.  Apparently this place has been around since Florida was part... [More]
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Categories: Plain old stupid | Florida Lawmakers at Work | Florida News | Florida is Dangerous
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